1. What’s the most blatant lie you’ve ever told?
Hmmm. I’m not the most honest person ever, but I’m more the type to sin by omission or to carefully curate my words until they seem to say something different from how I actually feel. But in terms of bold-faced lies, I can recall a time when I received two copies of Mario 64 for Christmas, so my father took me to return one at Circuit City. (Yes, I know how dated that all makes this story sound.) We were discussing returning the cartridge with a clerk who asked, “Where did you get it originally?” when my father turned to me and suddenly developed a horrible seizure in just his left eyelid. “Uh…I think we got it here,” I replied. Of course, we hadn’t, because Santa had gotten it (a) and Circuit City didn’t sell Nintendo 64 games (b) so the whole “returning it illicitly to the wrong store without a receipt” plan didn’t really pan out.
2. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Does it really make it go faster?
Hell no. That’s stupider’n Hell. Now, the crosswalk buttons on the other hand…
3. If you were the ruler of the world, what laws would you make?
Law #1: No more bangs.
Law #2: That is all.
4. What was your last dream about?
Frasier kept arguing with Niles about something really pretentious, then for some reason Worf got involved and started lecturing them both about honor. Wait, was that a dream or did I just fall asleep with the TV on?
5. Would you break a law to save a loved one?
Nah, fuck those guys.
6. Is there a message in your novels you want the readers to grasp?
Well, yeah, of course, but once it’s in the hands of the readers it becomes their novel to interpret or misinterpret as they see fit. The Jungle sure as shit wasn’t supposed to lead to meat inspection reform and considering Rand was an atheist I doubt John Galt is supposed to be a Christ figure, but people are going to take away whatever people are going to take away.
7. Would you rather be the good guy or the bad guy in a movie?
Bad guy. I’ve always sympathized with the villain. I used to record the Imperial March at the end of Star Wars to audio cassette (yeah, I know, I’m dating my stories again) so I could listen to it and pretend I was Darth Vader. Not really sure why. I guess that says something about me.
8. If you could change places with any of your favourite fictional characters and change one of their choices, who, what and why?
Katniss & Haymitch: OTL.
9. Would you rather be trampled by one elephant sized mouse or one hundred mice sized elephants?
I’m probably overthinking this, but bearing in mind that my larger cat is about 22 lbs and even my smaller cat has got to be 10, and when they start kneading me it gets annoying but not exactly into the kill zone, I figure a mouse-sized elephant, at about a tenth of THAT size, is not really going to do any damage, whereas an elephant-sized mouse would probably knock my house down to get at the peanut butter.
10. What eye colour do you find sexiest?
Whatever color my wife’s eyes are, of course.
Six billion identical clones make up the entire population of Earth, and William 790-6 (57th Iteration) is exactly like everybody else. In his one year of life he will toil in suburban mediocrity and spend as much cash as possible in order to please his corporate masters. When 790’s first birthday (and scheduled execution) finally rolls around, a freak accident spares his life.
Living past his expiration date changes 790 profoundly. Unlike other clones he becomes capable of questioning the futility of his own existence. Seeking answers in the wilderness, he discovers a windmill with some very strange occupants, including a freakish, dinosaur-like monstrosity. Which is especially strange since every animal on earth is supposed to be extinct…
Dark, haunting, and blisteringly satirical, BILLY AND THE CLONEASAURUS is the story of one “man’s” attempt to finally become an individual in a world of copies.
Stephen Kozeniewski lives with his wife and two cats in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. During his time as a Field Artillery officer in the U.S. Army he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where, due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor’s is in German.
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