Monday, 16 March 2015

Meet A Writer Monday Presents...

...Steve Kozeniewski

1. Are you a full-time or part-time writer? How does that affect your writing?

Part-time. Well, part of part-time. Because I still watch a lot of TV. And, you know, friends, family, bars, all that kind of stuff. I wish more people knew this. I don’t know any writers who don’t also have a day job. Well, I guess I know one. But he literally just quit his day job as soon as his book got adapted for television. But for everybody else, this is not a pays-the-bills kind of deal. So stop asking me for free books.

2. What do you like to read in your free time?

Hey, here’s another bubble-bursty opportunity. I don’t really have “free time” for reading. I mean, I have to read, like, constantly. But most of what I read is because I owe another author a favour (either a critique or a review) or I have to be well-read in my genre. And I am not a fast reader to begin with. Maybe I’m missing the point, but that’s where I am in my career right now. I suppose if I was J.K. Rowling I wouldn’t have to worry about my peers and competitors, but here I am.

3. Do you have any suggestions to help someone become a better writer? If so, what are they?

Writing advice is crap. Don’t listen to anything anyone else says. Including this.

4. Do you have any advice for authors on how to market their book?

I don’t mind talking about this, but I don’t know if I’ve been successful enough to give advice to others. The main thing is, don’t. Don’t try to market. Be authentic, and be real, and reach out to people. At first it’s going to feel like only your friends are buying your book, so you know what that means: make more friends. And then the randos will come in time, and just be authentic and kind to them and then you’ll have lifelong fans.

5. Is it wrong for vegetarians to eat animal crackers?

Yes. I don’t have anything to back that up with, but I’m just guessing you’ve never gotten a “yes” answer to this one before. I want to be a trailblazer.

6. A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?

Trick question: penguins can’t talk.

7. What would be the most gratifying thing a fan could do in your opinion?

Fellatio, I guess.

8. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

Oh, you know something? I think I remember this one. Tickets to Star Trek: First Contact.

9. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?

“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.”

10. If you could dis-invent one thing what would it be?


11. If you had to dispose of a dead body, how would you do it?

Oh, yeah, I think I know the answer to this one. So, what you do is, you dump the body in a barrel, fill the barrel with concrete, then dump it in the ocean. So what’ll happen is the water pressure will eventually liquefy the body, so even if they dredge up your barrel and jackhammer it open, there’s nothing incriminating left.


Six billion identical clones make up the entire population of Earth, and William 790-6 (57th Iteration) is exactly like everybody else. In his one year of life he will toil in suburban mediocrity and spend as much cash as possible in order to please his corporate masters. When 790’s first birthday (and scheduled execution) finally rolls around, a freak accident spares his life.

Living past his expiration date changes 790 profoundly. Unlike other clones he becomes capable of questioning the futility of his own existence. Seeking answers in the wilderness, he discovers a windmill with some very strange occupants, including a freakish, dinosaur-like monstrosity. Which is especially strange since every animal on earth is supposed to be extinct…

Dark, haunting, and blisteringly satirical, BILLY AND THE CLONEASAURUS is the story of one “man’s” attempt to finally become an individual in a world of copies.


About Steve

Stephen Kozeniewski lives with his wife and two cats in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. During his time as a Field Artillery officer in the U.S. Army he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where, due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor’s is in German.


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